As I sit between the end of a job that has brought deep meaning and purpose to my professional life and the beginning of a job that I will mold into the functions notably necessary, I contemplate the last three and a half years of my life. It has been a time for maturing into a more compassionate life being. It has shown me how many people truly live day to day in surroundings that don't meet the standards acceptable for my life and substandard to society's superficial picture. It has made me thankful for the gifts I have been given by God, first and foremost, a loving family led by my parents whose example continues keeping me grounded in my Christian roots and on the relationships with my fellow humans which define my very being.
I'm thankful for the leadership and insight given me by the women I work with whose primary purpose is to further the lives of individuals with developmental disabilities without placing judgement or extending our personal values. As it has been with all of the jobs I've ever taken, I feel very called to serve in an administrative role that I hope can bring some more order to the chaos I call my life. As I see it now, I need a position that allows me to leave my work at the office and separate home time from work. The two have become intertwined lately and I don't feel my time's been appropriately allocated to my family. I so look forward to being able to complete a job without having document what it was I did to really be finished. The documentation has become the boon of the position.
While writing is a passion of mine, regurgitating scenarios from every minute of my days has become an overwhelming burden and one that I understand the value of the exercise. I'm reminded that while we're not solely in control of the wheel of life, we are definitely steering it and have the incredible blessing to make 180 degree turns when things become out of balance. That is what had happened for me. I pray that my driving leads me to more home time allowing our family to return to being the road I'm focused on for now.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Number 18 Gifted
WOOO HOOOO! I cannot even begin to explain to you the level of excitement that filled my body on Wednesday when I received a phone call from my friend, Sam. She said that she'd been out on my blog the day before and read my beginning list of 50 things I want to do. She said that it must be fate because she could help me out with #18 if I didn't have plans tonight. She had tickets to the KU/Northern Arizona game and she and her husband didn't think they could find a babysitter on such short notice. She asked if I'd like to go with her. Of course, I quickly accepted her offer and made arrangements for things to be taken care of at home. It just kept getting better, when I called back, she said the seats were in the fifth row!!!
Anyway, Sam, who is also the mother of three small children, and I made our trip to Lawrence together on the eve of Thanksgiving leaving our kids in the care of our husbands. Walking into the field house to take our seats, which were actually at half court on the fourth row, was so thrilling. Never having experienced even one other seat in this arena made watching the Hawks' 87-46 victory much more dramatic than the point spread indicated.
The season tickets for these seats belong to an associate of Sam's husband's co-worker. He had sat in the seats before with his coworker on several occassions, but Sam had never been on the receiving end of this generosity either. He must have had a momentary lack of judgement that he was lamenting because we received several telephone calls from him on our way there reminding us of the value of these seats. He had tasted the sweetness of witnessing Kansas basketball in such fashion. We had no idea what indulgence was ahead.
It was amazing to walk in and see the retired numbers of those players I've watched throughout my lifetime on television and the national championship banners of teams of storied past. The game seemed magnified to now fully understand just how tall these young players are, just how low to the ground are the folding chairs they occupy on the bench, just how intense Coach Self is while coaching, just how much fun the players have when playing the game well enough to win by a forty point margin and how fun that is to witness, and just how erie the sound thousands of fans create chanting "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" to mark the victory. My perception that I have a better view from my couch has been forever changed. The ariel shots taken from above the court minimize the experience and don't begin to encapsulate the aura of the arena.
I am most thankful for this generous act. How appropriate for me to be filled with thanks given the very holiday to be celebrated the next day was surely the cause of the availability of these tickets! This opportunity to watch the incredible amount of talent by these young althetes filled me with the kind of energy and anticipation that a child on Christmas Eve attempts to harness in order to fall asleep while awaiting Santa's arrival through the night.
If I never attend another KU game in my life (which is highly unlikely now that I've experienced the infectious allure of the intimacy of this legendary institution), I have the memory of sitting in, quite literally, some of the best seats in the house. I could never have dreamed I would have had this kind of opportunity presented to me, let alone given to me. And the fact that I actually was able to take advantage of the moment seems like just that...a dream.
This is another beautiful blessing of living intentionally. Thanks again Sam, for reading my blog and helping me to cross #18 off the list in a way unimaginable!
Anyway, Sam, who is also the mother of three small children, and I made our trip to Lawrence together on the eve of Thanksgiving leaving our kids in the care of our husbands. Walking into the field house to take our seats, which were actually at half court on the fourth row, was so thrilling. Never having experienced even one other seat in this arena made watching the Hawks' 87-46 victory much more dramatic than the point spread indicated.
The season tickets for these seats belong to an associate of Sam's husband's co-worker. He had sat in the seats before with his coworker on several occassions, but Sam had never been on the receiving end of this generosity either. He must have had a momentary lack of judgement that he was lamenting because we received several telephone calls from him on our way there reminding us of the value of these seats. He had tasted the sweetness of witnessing Kansas basketball in such fashion. We had no idea what indulgence was ahead.
It was amazing to walk in and see the retired numbers of those players I've watched throughout my lifetime on television and the national championship banners of teams of storied past. The game seemed magnified to now fully understand just how tall these young players are, just how low to the ground are the folding chairs they occupy on the bench, just how intense Coach Self is while coaching, just how much fun the players have when playing the game well enough to win by a forty point margin and how fun that is to witness, and just how erie the sound thousands of fans create chanting "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" to mark the victory. My perception that I have a better view from my couch has been forever changed. The ariel shots taken from above the court minimize the experience and don't begin to encapsulate the aura of the arena.
I am most thankful for this generous act. How appropriate for me to be filled with thanks given the very holiday to be celebrated the next day was surely the cause of the availability of these tickets! This opportunity to watch the incredible amount of talent by these young althetes filled me with the kind of energy and anticipation that a child on Christmas Eve attempts to harness in order to fall asleep while awaiting Santa's arrival through the night.
If I never attend another KU game in my life (which is highly unlikely now that I've experienced the infectious allure of the intimacy of this legendary institution), I have the memory of sitting in, quite literally, some of the best seats in the house. I could never have dreamed I would have had this kind of opportunity presented to me, let alone given to me. And the fact that I actually was able to take advantage of the moment seems like just that...a dream.
This is another beautiful blessing of living intentionally. Thanks again Sam, for reading my blog and helping me to cross #18 off the list in a way unimaginable!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Continued Renewal
Already, the benefits of sharing this experience with others is revealing personal reward. Thanks so much for those who've commented or sent email responses. You're being my cheerleaders.
Anyway, another new thing, or I should say revived thing, is that I'm getting up before Keith goes to work and finding my own, uninterrupted God time as I walk/jog under the blanket of stars and moonlight in the morning. The way God reveals light at that time of day is awesome to watch. When I speak of light, I speak both figuratively and literally. The moonlight that is sometimes masked by clouds or beaming so brightly to create shadows guides me as I attempt to remold the physical body after the last 6 years of pregnancy, child birth and breast feeding. However, the moonlight isn't the only guide. There are also streetlights and vehicles headlights which reveal themselves long before we'd recognize their presence in daylight. This is like God's light which presents its power to me through prayer and the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit giving me answers throughout the day. Somehow though, in the dark of night, everything has a deeper impact. I don't know whether it's the quiet before the hurried hustle of the day or the darkness created by the absence of light, but for some reason, I hear God's call for my life louder in these moments than I have since I last regularly practiced this same routine seven years ago.
It's not that I haven't had amazing moments to experience God's gifts and blessings in that time. It's just I haven't publicly acknowledged those gifts or blessings which I'm finding seems to make them more present in my mind. Some of those gifts include a new home; three beautiful, healthy children; family and friends to share them with; a vehicle that accomodates three car seats at the same time without them having to touch each other; a new job with opportunity to be in mission; renewed relationships with my siblings; and an incredible church family who is experiencing the reward of faithfulness just to name a few. God is Great! This is another testimony of my journey.
Anyway, another new thing, or I should say revived thing, is that I'm getting up before Keith goes to work and finding my own, uninterrupted God time as I walk/jog under the blanket of stars and moonlight in the morning. The way God reveals light at that time of day is awesome to watch. When I speak of light, I speak both figuratively and literally. The moonlight that is sometimes masked by clouds or beaming so brightly to create shadows guides me as I attempt to remold the physical body after the last 6 years of pregnancy, child birth and breast feeding. However, the moonlight isn't the only guide. There are also streetlights and vehicles headlights which reveal themselves long before we'd recognize their presence in daylight. This is like God's light which presents its power to me through prayer and the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit giving me answers throughout the day. Somehow though, in the dark of night, everything has a deeper impact. I don't know whether it's the quiet before the hurried hustle of the day or the darkness created by the absence of light, but for some reason, I hear God's call for my life louder in these moments than I have since I last regularly practiced this same routine seven years ago.
It's not that I haven't had amazing moments to experience God's gifts and blessings in that time. It's just I haven't publicly acknowledged those gifts or blessings which I'm finding seems to make them more present in my mind. Some of those gifts include a new home; three beautiful, healthy children; family and friends to share them with; a vehicle that accomodates three car seats at the same time without them having to touch each other; a new job with opportunity to be in mission; renewed relationships with my siblings; and an incredible church family who is experiencing the reward of faithfulness just to name a few. God is Great! This is another testimony of my journey.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
50 Things
It sounds trite, but I seriously am starting my list of things I want to do before I die. This goes along with living intentionally! I am also quite sure that this one will be a work in progress and will evolve as I do. Here goes (in no particular order)...
1. Finish visiting all 50 states with my family
2. Run a marathon
3. Complete a masters and/or doctoral degree (Just can't narrow the field)
4. Coach again
5. Perform in a musical theatre production again
6. Study all books of the Bible
7. Take dance classes again
8. Learn to play the guitar, piano and/or cello
9. Serve as a missionary in another country
10. Kiss my husband at the top of a mountain and swim together in tropical waters
11. Compile my grandmother's journals into one text
12. Write a book
13. Parasail
14. Be debt free
15. Make a quilt with my mother and sisters
16. Take vacations with my extended families
17. Pay someone else to clean my house
18. Attend a game at Allen Field House
19. Attend a Dallas Cowboys Football Game
20. Have KU basketball season tickets
21. Have a girls only retreat in a spa setting with each of my closest friends
22. Visit my Grandfather's family in Sweden
23. Go to Boston with my parents
24. Take my kids to Disneyland and the San Diego Zoo
25. Master pie baking and bundt cakes like my mother-in-law
Things listed in italics are things done since I started my list.
1. Finish visiting all 50 states with my family
2. Run a marathon
3. Complete a masters and/or doctoral degree (Just can't narrow the field)
4. Coach again
5. Perform in a musical theatre production again
6. Study all books of the Bible
7. Take dance classes again
8. Learn to play the guitar, piano and/or cello
9. Serve as a missionary in another country
10. Kiss my husband at the top of a mountain and swim together in tropical waters
11. Compile my grandmother's journals into one text
12. Write a book
13. Parasail
14. Be debt free
15. Make a quilt with my mother and sisters
16. Take vacations with my extended families
17. Pay someone else to clean my house
18. Attend a game at Allen Field House
19. Attend a Dallas Cowboys Football Game
20. Have KU basketball season tickets
21. Have a girls only retreat in a spa setting with each of my closest friends
22. Visit my Grandfather's family in Sweden
23. Go to Boston with my parents
24. Take my kids to Disneyland and the San Diego Zoo
25. Master pie baking and bundt cakes like my mother-in-law
Things listed in italics are things done since I started my list.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Snap
This has been one of those weeks that ends and you feel like you've survived something miraculous. I was greeted at work on Monday with some news that was out of my control. This is something that I struggle with as I continually forget that all things are not in my power to change. When greeted with these quandries, I seek answers and typically can be in dialogue with my parents to seek their wisdom in the situation. The news on Monday was not information that needed to be shared outside of our brick lathe walls, except possibly with our spouses. So as coworkers, we hashed through our individual responses and landed without doing anything but rather just listening to each other and validating each others' feelings.
I had this incredible urge to do something. I organized the opportunity for all of us to gather and share our feelings. But again, this action revealed no solution to the problem, just some awkward moments to voice our individual opinions. Without my parents to lean to hear God's voice, it has been solely through prayer that I have found peace knowing God will put me where I am supposed to be and that I can do nothing to change the situation but wait to hear the final decision.
This peace has not come instantly or without feeling anger, disbelief, or sadness. In fact those feelings were consuming me through most of the week. I felt gipped out of being able to share my excitement from last weekend. I had been rejuvenated and inspired at an AMBUCS conference. It had carried over to home already as I was compelled to seek a refocused committment between my husband and I to not take each other for granted or to be complacent in our actions. I was ready to share that rebirth at my workplace too, but was stifled by the potential changes looming ahead. I felt a snap in the tension that had tightened around the relationships so stretched to just keep our organization together. That tension was binding and it was not a comfortable place to be in.
Answers, I have none. Questions, I have many. When will I know? Where will I be? Can there be resolution? I hold out hope and have to believe that God's will can be done. For without that hope, my faith is empty. And without prayer, I would not have peace. I feel blessed to have entered this situation rejuvenated and to be able to remain positive in the face of this struggle. This is another testimony of my journey.
I had this incredible urge to do something. I organized the opportunity for all of us to gather and share our feelings. But again, this action revealed no solution to the problem, just some awkward moments to voice our individual opinions. Without my parents to lean to hear God's voice, it has been solely through prayer that I have found peace knowing God will put me where I am supposed to be and that I can do nothing to change the situation but wait to hear the final decision.
This peace has not come instantly or without feeling anger, disbelief, or sadness. In fact those feelings were consuming me through most of the week. I felt gipped out of being able to share my excitement from last weekend. I had been rejuvenated and inspired at an AMBUCS conference. It had carried over to home already as I was compelled to seek a refocused committment between my husband and I to not take each other for granted or to be complacent in our actions. I was ready to share that rebirth at my workplace too, but was stifled by the potential changes looming ahead. I felt a snap in the tension that had tightened around the relationships so stretched to just keep our organization together. That tension was binding and it was not a comfortable place to be in.
Answers, I have none. Questions, I have many. When will I know? Where will I be? Can there be resolution? I hold out hope and have to believe that God's will can be done. For without that hope, my faith is empty. And without prayer, I would not have peace. I feel blessed to have entered this situation rejuvenated and to be able to remain positive in the face of this struggle. This is another testimony of my journey.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Our journey
I am so glad to be starting this blog as I've really gotten away from journaling and miss having an outlet in words. I have recently been reminded in my church community that practice of those things which are central to our lives is key to making them habits and will reveal blessings through the practice. I also have been reminded by my friend, Ashley, and my dear grandmother, Maxine (who recently passed away) that words are my inspiration (whether in print or set to music) and that I need to surround myself by them. It was my grandmother's influence on my father, who is never short on words, that has instilled such a deep appreciation for their meaning and value in my life. Grandma's example was to journal daily and I love reading her words. Therefore, as I sit in the quiet of a hotel room without those whom I love the most, I start a new online journey that I hope others will enjoy and join me on. It is not only the outlet of expression, but also the opportunity for discussion with blogging that intrigues me and motivates me to embark.Blessings to you - LCB
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