Snap

This has been one of those weeks that ends and you feel like you've survived something miraculous. I was greeted at work on Monday with some news that was out of my control. This is something that I struggle with as I continually forget that all things are not in my power to change. When greeted with these quandries, I seek answers and typically can be in dialogue with my parents to seek their wisdom in the situation. The news on Monday was not information that needed to be shared outside of our brick lathe walls, except possibly with our spouses. So as coworkers, we hashed through our individual responses and landed without doing anything but rather just listening to each other and validating each others' feelings.

I had this incredible urge to do something. I organized the opportunity for all of us to gather and share our feelings. But again, this action revealed no solution to the problem, just some awkward moments to voice our individual opinions. Without my parents to lean to hear God's voice, it has been solely through prayer that I have found peace knowing God will put me where I am supposed to be and that I can do nothing to change the situation but wait to hear the final decision.

This peace has not come instantly or without feeling anger, disbelief, or sadness. In fact those feelings were consuming me through most of the week. I felt gipped out of being able to share my excitement from last weekend. I had been rejuvenated and inspired at an AMBUCS conference. It had carried over to home already as I was compelled to seek a refocused committment between my husband and I to not take each other for granted or to be complacent in our actions. I was ready to share that rebirth at my workplace too, but was stifled by the potential changes looming ahead. I felt a snap in the tension that had tightened around the relationships so stretched to just keep our organization together. That tension was binding and it was not a comfortable place to be in.

Answers, I have none. Questions, I have many. When will I know? Where will I be? Can there be resolution? I hold out hope and have to believe that God's will can be done. For without that hope, my faith is empty. And without prayer, I would not have peace. I feel blessed to have entered this situation rejuvenated and to be able to remain positive in the face of this struggle. This is another testimony of my journey.